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Nails Are One Thing You Don’t Want To Screw With.

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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Neither is Pun Day.

Another selection of wonderful word play for you to….

Enjoy or endure!

.

rofl

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Sometimes pregnancy lasts so long

it seems like a maternity.

 pregnancy

.

.

How many nihilists does it take

to sharpen a pencil?

One, but there’s still no point.

 nihilists

.

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I dropped my barometer earlier.

Just couldn’t handle the pressure.

 barometer

.

.

What do you call a man

with three balls?

…a juggler.

 juggler

.

.

Uncle Ben found dead.

No more Mr Rice guy.

 Uncle Ben

.

.

I just invented a joke about helium.

Unfortunately it doesn’t go down well.

 helium

.

.

You know that you’re getting old

when your narrow waist swaps

places with your broad mind.

 getting old

.

.

Apparently a truck carrying boxes of wigs has overturned,

spilling its load across the freeway.

Police are combing the area.

 boxes of wigs

.

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I saw a woman crying as she

was buying tampons earlier.

Must be going through a

tough period in her life.

 woman crying

.

.

This man was about to throw dough,

cheese and tomatoes at me.

I said, “You wanna pizza me?”

 pizza

.

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Looking after my kid is

proving to be expensive.

I’ve just had to buy a baby monitor,

for crying out loud.

 baby monitor

.

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The hospital told me there is a problem

with my son’s blood and he should have

a plasma screen as soon as possible.

They were going to charge me $10,000,

but I managed to buy him a 50″ HDTV

in WalMart for less than a grand.

 50 inch HDTV

.

.

Now I hear that the NSA are employing

dwarfs to break into people’s homes

and install listening devices.

The little buggers.

 little buggers

.

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What happens if you swallow uranium?

You get atomic ache.

 uranium alert

.

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What do you call a Scottish lady who comes round

and decorates your bathroom?

Bonnie Tiler.

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.

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Filed under: comedy, Humour, Language, Puns Tagged: a man with three balls, ache, amusing, atomic, baby monitor, bad jokes, barometer, bathroom, blood, Bonnie Tiler, boxes, broad mind, buggers, cheese, combing the area, Comedy, couldn't handle the pressure, decorates, dough, dwarfs, employing, Entertainment, expensive, for crying out loud, freeway, funny, getting old, HDTV, helium, hospital, Humor, Humour, joke, jokes, juggler, kid, listening devices, maternity, Mr Rice guy, nails, narrow waist, nihilists, no point, NSA, pizza, plasma screen, police, pregnancy, pun, pun day, puns, Scottish lady, Screw With, sharpen a pencil, silly jokes, stupid, tampons, tomatoes, tough period, truck, Uncle Ben, uranium, Walmart, wigs, woman crying, wonderful word play, word play, word plays

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